Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
nutella sex= disaster
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
