Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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