Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
