I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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