Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
