Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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