p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
