she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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