Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
