Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
