Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
