you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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