If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
