we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
how drunk are you?
Several
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
