I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
