dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
