Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
