I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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