I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize
