the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
