Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
