It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
