farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
