At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
