i just wanna soil my oats bro
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
