When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
