New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We named our party play list daddy issues
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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