I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
