she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
