can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
