You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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