im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
