Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
