I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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