Where is the hickey?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
