dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
