Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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