You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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