I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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