drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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