I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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