Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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