there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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