it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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