omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
