I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
