I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
