So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
