It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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