fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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