used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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