i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
