Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize