I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
