Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
