1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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