Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
