Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
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