I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
