He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
