i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
