he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
