so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
