first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
