i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
