I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
