What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
