If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize