Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
