Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This house was built for laser tag.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
