His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
