so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
