I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
