The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
