Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
