I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
