i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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