I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
