***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
