I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
