I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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